Still gotta catch up, hopefully tomorrow.
Lately I've been listening to my friend's podcast a lot (which will be the topic of it's own post in the very, very near future) and one of the things I like best about it is that my friend and his co-host are very candid about a myriad of several different topics, which I think is very refreshing considering how many people (myself included) often try to soften or sugarcoat our feelings in order to make them more palatable to others.
This is something almost anyone who knows me will agree I do to a fault (which seems to be my theme for this week's posts) and it is also something I would like to get over. I briefly touched on this fault in my post on Day 7, and as that post indicates, I have been making some progress toward becoming more self actualized but as I said there, the change takes some getting used to.
One reason for this awkwardness is due to a over-inflated sense of responsibility. I have been brought up to think about the consequences of my actions before I commit to them and constantly second guessing myself is something that has resulted from it. I also feel as if I must do everything correctly the first time, but usually end up putting so much pressure on myself that I end up making mistakes anyway and they I just feel bad about it.
These failures lead to self hatred, which leads to melancholy and a lack of motivation. In realizing this, it makes it all the more frustrating since I know that these useless worries are only holding me back from reaching my goals and potential. But, that's the function of this Lenten project, to air my ill will and vent and become a better person for it; to show myself that by being vocal I will not receive disdain, I probably won't receive any reaction at all.
And that is something I can be comfortable with.
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